Should she forgive her spouse for dating an ex-girlfriend? Emily A. Marcelo Philippine Daily Inquirer
October 17, 2009
DEAR EMILY,
I’ve been married 10 years, am financially stable and I have one adorable daughter. I work abroad while my husband and child are in the Philippines, waiting for their papers to be approved.
Recently, I found out that my husband has started seeing his ex-girlfriend. They started by communicating via the chat room and now, they see each other regularly.
I am working so hard to give our child a better future, having to live thousands of miles to do that, and I can’t bear the thought of my husband being unfaithful to me. Things have changed as he’s not the person who married me 10 years ago anymore .
What should I do now? I feel weary and anxious, my work is very crucial that there should be no room for mistakes, but this development has hit me so hard, I can’t think straight.
LS
Didn’t the old nursery rhyme tell us, “When the cat is away, the mouse will play?” But in this case, who died and made your husband king? Or live like one anyway, blowing someone’s hard-earned money while cavorting with his old girlfriend. Some people have truly all the luck in the world!
What your husband is doing is horribly unconscionable, if it were all true. What would his justification be for such a dastardly behavior—that you left him all alone, vulnerable and lonely? That being a testosterone-driven male, he is only succumbing to his raging hormones?
Or he’s simply a common jerk!
If he does not value now the hard work and perseverance you are selflessly giving your family to have a better life down the road, what makes you think he will be a better husband when you finally live together again?
Do you think man-to-man guarding will rein in his wayward ways? Most probably not! You can guard his body, but you cannot block his thoughts.
From this vantage view, the road you both are traveling has forked. He may need you and your ATM, but you certainly don’t need him. What you need is a loyal husband who will protect you and care for you even from afar. Even a lowly dog does not bite the hand that is feeding him.
Start planning for a life alone with your child. There is a time and reason for martyrdom and this is not one of them.
