Q: My husband and I have been married for only six months and already we’re fighting about money. He spends money on computer equipment and personal gadgets, while I spend money on household goods, which we share. I don't want to nit pick but I feel as if a gap has opened up between us. How can I fix this? — Angela
A: Money problems can be a real headache, especially in a marriage. You feel that you are spending more for the two of you (by buying household goods) but your husband spends only for himself (the computer equipment and gadgets). There is indeed a communication gap, but like most gaps, this can be bridged if both parties acknowledge the problem and make an effort to address it.
Find time to sit down with your husband when he’s not in a bad mood. Start by saying how much you appreciate the fact that you are now married and living together on your own (if you are indeed living on your own. The point is to start the conversation on a positive note.).
Be honest about how you feel regarding the setup in your family when it comes to spending. Begin your statements with “I” (example: I feel sad when…) instead of “You” (example: You spend too much on…). The latter one is accusing and will put your husband on defensive mode, which will not really help in resolving the conflict.
Hear his side out without interrupting. Then summarize what you both just said by saying, “So if I understand right, I feel … and you feel…” Bring the discussion to focus on your money goals for the family. Is it to save for an emergency fund, save for retirement, or save for a new home? Ask yourselves if the current setup is bringing you closer to those goals.
According to Citibank's Vice President for Consumer Education Aneth Ng-Lim, "most couples dream of having a three-bedroom house, good college education for the kids, and a vacation home in Tagaytay. But they need to take concrete steps to turn these into realities."
Brainstorm on what you both can do to take control of your money and put you on the road to reaching your financial goals. Here are some ideas:
• Commit to have a common fund to which you will both contribute. This fund will be used to pay bills and other expenses to be incurred in running your home. Citibank's Lim suggests opening a joint checking account so you can keep this fund separate from other funds. Lim explained that having "a joint bank account will allow either one of you to have easy access to these funds.”
• Make a household budget to determine how much it costs to run your household every month. Based on your income, you can decide how much each of you should contribute to this fund. Or your husband may decide to pay everything, in which case, he should put up the total money for the budget monthly.
• Assign one person to handle the common fund. He/she will be responsible for paying all the bills on time and making sure your spending is kept within budget.
• Allow each one a personal fund, which can be used as he/she wants. There should be a ceiling for this fund every month, or you can make it a percentage of the take-home pay. You may use this, for instance, on spa or salon services, while he can use it for gadgets. If your husband needs to buy additional computer equipment that is over his budget for his personal fund for the month, he should save the money meant for the current month and succeeding ones until he has saved enough to buy what he wants to buy. The same goes for you.
• Go over your household budget every month and see where you have overspent. If you have extra cash left over, decide together what to do with it. You can go out for dinner or watch a movie or save it for a bigger treat next month.
• Make sure you prioritize essential financial expenses such as life insurance and health insurance. Shop around among insurance companies for the best insurance product that suits you. Nowadays, life insurance comes with added benefits you can choose from, among them are investment options, hospitalization coverage, return of premiums, etcetera.
• Ensure that your family is saving up for a six- to eight-month emergency fund. This will be very handy should something unexpected happen: a job loss or illness needing hospitalization for instance.
• Since you are already talking money, talk about retirement too. At what age do you plan to retire? Set an appointment with a financial planner to discuss the many ways you can save for your retirement. With the financial planner’s help, you will also be able to determine how much money you need to save between now and your retirement. Citibank is available for this discussion with you for free.
Money problems can be dealt with as long as both partners commit to be open in talking about this. Make sure that communication lines are kept open throughout your marriage as more challenges will come your way.
