Can’t end a casual affair Emily A. Marcelo Inquirer
November 12, 2006
DEAR EMILY,
How do you end a relationship that has been wrong from the very beginning? I am 33 years old, single and went on without a boyfriend for two years, until I ended up sleeping with a man I met through the chat room.
He’s married with four children. I only gave in to him for the sex and the need to be loved. I know now it’s been a mistake.
When he left for the Middle East a few months ago, I was certain our romance would fizzle out after two years of separation. Never did it occur to me that I’d be offered a job in the same country where he was.
He is assigned in a place where he is not allowed to leave their camp anytime he wants to. We met once when I got here and he’s planning to do this on a regular basis.
I told him I could no longer handle this kind of relationship because I feel guilty already. But truth is I would like to enjoy my life here—my new found freedom, both financial and physical.
He has developed such a feeling of insecurity and self pity and this has prevented me from telling him straight that I don’t have any feelings for him anymore.
We constantly argue on the phone because he is so persistent. He only hears what he wants to hear. He said he’d only let me go when I’d found a single man ready to marry me.
How do I get out of this mess and be assured that he will not end up pitying himself?
DISTRESSED OFW
You both started this affair very superficially. You were lonely and wanted a warm body beside you while he wanted fun on the side. Great! It just so happened that you found each other again in another place, albeit at a not too comfortable distance.
You finally realized the wrongness of your affair and want out. Just tell him! The shortest distance between two points is a straight line—remember your geometry?
Why even worry about his pity-party? Isn’t he married with kids? Has he even given a sweet lie that he’ll leave them for you? And why should he lay down this decree that requires you to meet a single, eligible man before he stops pestering you?
Such audacity is sickening! Did he tell you he must walk you down the aisle as well?
You’re single, financially independent and free to do whatever your heart desires. Anything and everything!
Never allow any lowlife to dictate to you what you want to do with yourself or to blackmail you emotionally.
You had fun while it lasted. But that was yesterday. It’s finished. Done. Wash him off your life and go! Consider this a new day for you.
E-mail the author at emarcelo @inquirer.com.ph, Subject: Life-style, or send your letters to Inquirer. Listen to MsMarcelo co-host the program “Kalikasan Vigilante,” 7:15-8:30 p.m., Monday-Friday, on dwBR 104.3 FM .
Previous columns: Is faithfulness enough? – 11/05/06 Wife’s family obligations keep her from having children – 10/29/06 Dreaming of a lost love – 10/22/06 Boyfriend of six years ‘needs space’ – 10/15/06 She wants to pursue her true love – 10/08/06 Talk of marriage annoys boyfriend – 10/01/06
