The Asian mother Cristina DC Pastor Philippine News Online
November 07, 2006
Heard about that small, but intimidating specie of the human race called “the Asian mother?”
Before you meet her, let me introduce the Asian kid -- usually a geeky, straight-A student who attends swimming, dancing, Kumon, crafts, cooking, martial arts, and violin (or piano) classes, spending what’s left of weekends reading Harry Potter or learning to ride a horse.
If you think this kid is all work and no play, blame the Asian mother. This empress-type dowager dictates school (90%) vs. play (10%) time. In some cases “play” would mean family gatherings where the Asian mother proudly declares how Kim (or Sanjay) tops the Science project, yet again, and is chosen to represent, yet again, her/his school in the statewide Spelling Bee.
Television mercilessly caricatures the Asian stereotype. “Two and a Half Men’s” Jake Harper is crushed after being dumped by Wendy Cho because he is not smart enough. In “Frasier,” the son manages to get into the spelling finals, much to his grandpa’s delight: “I’m glad the Asian kid dropped out.”
I didn’t realize I’d been pigeonholed into this class of specie often characterized as “controlling,” “humorless,” and “don’t want their children to have fun” until one day when my daughter came home from school and told me this story: she was complaining to her English teacher how she was being nagged by her mother (yours truly!) to attend both Math tutoring and gym after school, at which point the teacher cut in saying, “Typical Asian mother, eh?”
I’ve become – to this teacher, at least -- the face of the much admired, or much ridiculed, Asian mother, depending on one’s parenting style. Many teachers love the Asian mother because she helps with the assignment and the nagging.
I beg to disagree. Unlike the prototypical Asian mother that my friend Josie is, I try to balance all the elements around my daughter’s life, which include friends, household chores, the Internet, sports, and school, to name a few. Josie’s daughter is a straight-A student, involved in all extra-curriculars and is starting to get bored in school because she’s way advanced academically and feels she’s learned everything there is to learn for someone of her level! When Josie tells me this, I’m not sure if she’s groaning or boasting.
My daughter is an average student. She could be an outstanding student, but needs constant motivation and push to do more. If I were to chart her performance, it would show a downward graph like the edge of a mountain. As and Bs during the first grading period when she didn’t have a lot of friends, and then Bs, Cs, and other letters as she morphs into Miss Amity through the semester. The friends could be a distraction, true, but as my husband and I have conceded a long time ago, “As long as she does not repeat.”
Sure, we wanted her to get into an Ivy League school, but we gave up on that overarching ambition a long time ago. We just want her to be a well-rounded, caring, independent, and decent person who will be able to take care of herself when we’re gone.
The Asian student is indeed the envy of many immigrant communities because of perceived scholastic excellence. Asian families put a premium on education, among traditional core values, and the Asian parent makes sure the children do their best, can compete despite the language barrier, and are generally held up as a “model minority.”
Studies have shown how Asian students tend to excel especially in the areas of Math and Science, raising the standards of school districts with a large Asian population. No need for affirmative action to level the playing field for Asian students in school enrolment. Our children can very well hold their own.
Some skeptics are not too generous with their praise for the Asian student especially since they believe that part of the Asian discipline involves some form of corporal punishment. No conclusive study points to this, but the Asian American families I know are conscious about using the rod.
Who doesn’t want their children to be highly paid doctors and lawyers? Nothing crushes the Asian mother more than raising a child who ends up in the movies
